When are you open?

We are open Tuesday to Sunday 50 weeks of the year. We close for 2 weeks at the end of December/through New Years. If we are around and if you ride far enough on a bicycle we might even make you a coffee on a Monday, but no guarantees.

What kind of food do you serve?

The good kind. But no meat, so you’ll have to like deal with it, dude. Besides, vegetables are good for you. Didn’t anyone tell you to eat your vegetables? Well you should - they’re good for you, and they taste good too.

How long have you been open?

We have been open since December 2006. Although sometimes it feels longer.

Why don’t you just quit then?

That is a damn good question.

No really why not?

We opened because we wanted good coffee and cafe type food in Schomberg and nobody else was doing it, and we really enjoy our customers. Or at least most of them. So we figure since we’re making food and coffee anyhow we may as well offer a community hang-out. Also we may be too dumb to quit.

Are you licensed?

Licensed to Ill, yes. Licensed to serve alcohol, no, unless we have a special occasion permit. Which has happened once and will happen again.

Can you cater my event?

Probably sure. Tell us what it is, when it is, what you would like and your rough budget and we’ll try to make it happen.

We love the music - where can we find it?

Some of it you can find by following us on SoundCloud at www.soundcloud.com/schomberg999. But a lot of it you have to come in to hear.

Do you have Wi-Fi?

Unfortunately yes. But we strongly encourage you to talk to the other humans instead of putting headphones on and working all day. And if you take up four seats in our little tiny cafe with all your ‘home office’ crud and we need those seats for humans we will ask you to relocate to your mobile home office (aka your car) or your actual home office (aka your home) until it is less busy.

Do you have bicycle parking?

Hell yeah we have bicycle parking! We have all kinds of parking in fact but we love getting rides of cyclists. We can also accommodate motorcycles, rally cars, tractors, kids bikes, horses, horse drawn wagons, hot rods, classic cars, and really anything you can think of. If there is no space on the road park in the Green P just to the West of us; the entrance is across the street.

Do you live above the shop?

Well if you look closely there is nothing but air and tree branches above the shop. However there is some kind of optical delusion happening where people see the house beside the shop and transpose that into a second story over the shop. You aren’t the first, don’t worry. But to answer your question no we do not, but if you would like to fund our building a second story then by all means come talk to us.

We love this place! Are you going to franchise?

Sure, why not. Come talk to us. That might be fun.

Are you hiring?

Probably. Do you like dogs? You’ve got to like dogs. And coffee. You should definitely like coffee. And working hard. And having fun. If that sounds like you, come talk to us, because we won’t hire you through email, text, WhatsApp, or DM. And we only hire humans - no bots.

Can you play more metal in the store?

Go home John - you’re drunk. You too Sam.